We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off. And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God, and I have no faith, and all I want, to be loved and believe in my soul.
Bright Eyes- Waste of Paint
I need to find a reason why I feel like everything was meant to be let go.
If he honestly cared about you one bit he wouldn’t have left. Not the first time, not the second time, not ever.
But what they’ve seen, well it wasn’t me.
It was just some lie that they slept beside.
I kept this from them,
but I can’t keep this from you.
A drawing of a tree shows, not a tree, but a tree-being-looked-at. … Within the instant of the sight of a tree is established a life-experience.